Ever want to say, F~~K it! Me too.
12th-century Buddhist scholar Nichiren Daishonin states in his famous writings: “Winter always turns to spring.”
During spring in New York City, the days become longer, flowers bloom, and people generally feel happier.
This time of year always brings with it a sense of bittersweet. May 1, 2009, was the day my life changed forever. Most schools of positive thinking and forgiveness rightly say to focus forward.
For those of us who have lived through serious traumatic events, live with multiple disabilities, and/or chronic conditions, this is often easier said than done. The daily work and attention to just staying mobile and healthy is, in itself, often daunting.
By now, we know that living with gratitude is better than living with resentment.
This is also often easier said than done.
The past months have been grueling. One rejection after another came to projects and opportunities to share hope and inspiration. I was left feeling depressed and completely defeated.
Some of the reaction to an onslaught of bad news was physical: the numbness in my body, the pain in my heart, and the frustration of knowing the quality of my work and the sincerity of its intention.
I have to be honest. My reactions have not been pretty.
I share this to say that when we are approaching big event anniversaries, it can trigger big stuff.
This May 1 is sixteen years since that fateful, or some might say, life-transforming day. It’s still bittersweet.
Grateful to still be mobile and physically fit, I miss dancing. Grateful to finally be living in one place, I still miss the luxury of driving. Grateful for the longer and warmer days, I seek a sense of purpose and community.
I don’t say this all for pity but to reaffirm the paradox of life. We can experience all these things. It’s what makes us whole. Becoming aware of our tendencies is, in part, how we create victory in the madness.
Wherever you are currently, please keep moving. If that means a few hours away from the computer or a walk in the park, take it. Please refrain from watching the “news.”
I have to remind myself feelings are not facts. If you need to detach and watch Law and Order for a night or two, then allow that with grace and space. If you need to take a break from what others believe you should be doing, that’s perfectly acceptable.
I also recently deleted social media off my phone as it was making me nuts. We don’t have to engage. Life is much better without the constant overstimulation.
If you are not sure which direction to go, maybe it’s time for a reset. Patience and wisdom will reveal your next right actions.
Trust the process. However, for those of us who have survived near death, this is often easier said than done.
The lotus flower blooms most fully in the darkest waters. Like a phoenix, you will figure it out, and your life force will return. Take pride and joy in all you do to stay healthy and strong, for many of us that is the first full-time job.